Brutal! That reminds me of when Denver formed its JOA. The Rocky was called the city's "failing newspaper" -- even its circulation was higher than the Post's.

Even THOUGH. Meant to say even though.

Will your paper convert to tab? Nope.

In the past year, Editor & Publisher and DESIGN ran cover stories on broadsheet papers converting to tab. Last week, The New York Times did their story about this new trend.

But I promise you, this nascent craze will not take hold in the U.S. But first, let's look at what the press is saying and why they're wrong in propagating this prediction.

All three publications used a single designer as the source for their stories - Mario Garcia. Now I have nothing but respect and admiration for Mario, especially because he always treats me with respect even when I disagree with him. Which I find myself doing once again.

These stories cited the 15 tab conversions Mario's company has directed. But these stories did not emphasize that 14 of these conversions occurred outside the U.S., where newspapers follow a different economic model.

Deep in the jump of The New York Times story, you learn that:

"American newspapers rely on advertising for about 85 percent of their revenues, while Europeans rely on it less so, for 60 to 70 percent of total revenues."

Bottom line? Newspapers in Europe make their money buy selling the paper. In the U.S. newspapers make their money selling advertising. That's why our inside pages are chock full of ugly ads and European newspapers have SND award-winning sections with beautiful inside pages.

So in this country advertisers call the shots and they prefer broadsheet papers, at least for their ads in the core product. Of course, almost all broadsheet papers have some tab sections, but U.S. advertisers and readers prefer that the core product be in broadsheet format.

How do I know? Because that's what readers and advertisers tell me. Before beginning a redesign in any market, I interview readers and advertisers to learn their preferences. They say tabs are fine for targeted products, but not the core product. Advertisers prefer the larger size. Readers cite the tabloid stigma.

But enough of this nonesense about calling this format "compact" rather than "tab," because tab has the "tabloid" stigma. What did Shakespeare say? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet ...? Frankly, I think these kinds of euphemisms smell.

Want more proof? Look at the one tab conversion Mario's company directed in this country. The results were so bad that the paper was sold just a couple years after the new tab design was launched.

And the Jersey Journal's planned tab conversion? The Jersey Journal is a Newhouse newspaper. (Newark Star-Ledger, Cleveland Plain Dealer, The Oregonian, etc.) If it weren't for the fact that the Newhouse family has a soft spot in their hearts for this paper - and that their company is not publically traded, with no fiduciary responsibility to stockholders - this paper would have been shut down years ago due to the loss of 75% of their circulation. Their tab conversion is a last-ditch effort. It's a Hail Mary play. They have nothing to lose.

Now back to the recent story in Editor & Publisher which included coverage of other new tab products, such as the Reds in Chicago, Quick in Dallas and the Metros. Their conclusion? The jury's still out.

The jury's still out? Gimme a break. Some of these products have been out there for years. I believe they learned in Chicago that they can't charge for these things - they gotta give them away. And I believe in Dallas they learned that most advertisers don't believe in free products. Recently, NPR quoted a Wall Street Analyst who said "it doesn't bode well for any industry when they need to give their product away."

'Nuff said.

Tab conversion? Fughedabowdit.